You may have noticed that the Negress spruced up the blog a bit, which is why the list is a little late this week. Hope you like it. Anyway, every family has some secret phrases and words that they understand and convey meaning without letting the rest of the world in on things. Sometimes they can save a family member from public embarrassment. Other times they can provoke laughter. Some are straightforward but a little weird. So, without further ado, here are 10 of the Negress’ favorites.
1. “Village.” A signal that you are slack-jawed and about to drool on yourself. Origin: The Negress’ mother saying, “Shut your mouth. You look like the village idiot.”
2. “Thumbs out from the waist.” Expression of joy. Invented by the Negress on a cruise ship for no good reason.
3. “Spiders where you have to. Spiders where you may.” The Negress has no idea what this means.
4. “Take a cold potato and wait.” Get over yourself. Nobody cares about your pitiful personal issues.
5. “No matter where you go, you’re still po’k and beaners.” Do not put on airs and get above your raising. Thank the Negress’ maternal grandfather for this one.
6. “I have other plans.” The Negress’ father in response to admonitions to “Have a nice day.”
7. “Chamber of Horrors.” Used by the Negress to torment her sister after a visit to same in London. She suspects it still might work, but she’s gotten nicer over time.
8. “You are getting on my one last nerve.” Said by the Negress’ teacher mother more than once.
9. “Red China.” Putting obscene amounts of ketchup into the mashed potatoes served with the weekly presentation of the dreaded beef liver.
10. “When I’m gone, you can say I dug my grave with my dick.” Said by one of the Negress’ uncles. She would not dream of identifying which one. Both are dead.